My boyfriend is so nice

You belong to me

this has become one of my favourite songs this year. there's something about it that is really therapeutic to my soul, maybe thats the romantic adventurer in me... it makes me smile to think that maybe, although i might not be together with my future partner yet, i might belong to someone :)

See the pyramids around the Nile 
Watch the sun rise 
From the tropic isle 
Just remember darling 
All the while 
You belong to me 
See the market place 
In old Algiers 
Send me photographs and souvenirs 
Just remember 
When a dream appears 
You belong to me 

And I'll be so alone without you 
Maybe you'll be lonesome too 

Fly the ocean 
In a silver plane 
See the jungle 
When it's wet with rain 
Just remember till 
You're home again 
You belong to me

has the time come?

tonight i looked at all my belongings, and for the first time in almost 5 years, realised that if my time is up here, i could leave it all, and go back home. i had thought about going home so many times, but never really looked at everything and think about the logistics to actually leave. i never thought this day would come. this country has been my dream for so long, it is really in my heart. my heart was never back in australia. sometimes, i wonder though, would i yearn to move back overseas after i move back home?

even though china is in my heart, this country that i fell in love with has changed so drastically in the last 5-10 years that it is also turning into something else. and imagining a future in this same city, is becoming more and more difficult. there seems to be less and less things keeping me here. it really is time for me to start praying about the future, maybe the time has really come for me to move on. to let go of this dream and reach for the future, even though i can barely see the steps in front of me. 

that i may gain Christ

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ....

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead"

~ Philippians 3:7-8,12-13

i was feeling so sad last week because i felt like there was nothing in life that i was looking forward to. so this scripture is really timely for me because it puts everything back into perspective. it's ok to go through difficult times, it is all for gaining Christ. that i should not be afraid of being uncomfortable or to suffer temporarily. it's about the eternal. the past does not matter, but to look towards the future. and, even when i feel like giving up, to stand up again :)

exam in 3 weeks

taking a breather from studying. my project management professional certification exam is in less than 3 weeks. i'm finding it so difficult to concentrate though. i guess it has something to do with my eating habits and my emotional mood recently. my emotions tend to affect and sometimes consume my thoughts and also affects my eating. when something really saddens me, i tend to lose all appetite and can't eat. recently a lot of things has been on my mind about work, relationships and life. i need to forget about these areas of my life for at least 3 weeks till after this exam. say no to going out and my constant overtime work. then i will need to make some decisions and changes in these areas. i'll be ok :) i need to focus on God to give me more wisdom. 

sometimes i don't know why God brought me down this path. there's gotta be some purpose in all of this. when i was younger (which seems like yesterday), i was so idealistic and not in a single thought in my mind would i have imagined where i am today in all areas of life. sometimes it does sadden me to not have achieved the dreams that i thought i would have achieved by now, but it is ok, life has never been about my happiness and there is probably a bigger picture to all this. in the back of my mind, i guess, i still hope that one day, i would get my fairytale. it's not the most important though, i can still dream when i'm asleep.