End of an Era

God is so good. It has been over a decade now since I first came to China and since it has been on my heart daily. I lived my dream. This era of my life is coming to an end soon and I will be leaving China in a week. Forever, I will love the Chinese and have made friends for eternity. I have been tried and tested and there were many times when the only person I could trust and rely is God. I have experienced countless stories and memories and met a multitude of people. I have seen many impossibilities become possibilities and through it all, I know God has always been with me. He has never failed to provide. It was with great faith that I came here and it is with faith that I depart. Even this coming chapter of my life is a miracle and God is so good. I don't know what lies ahead but I am confident that God holds my future.

Guess it's official, I'm moving to Vegas!

Not official, but, I am pleased to annouce I am leaving China next month in Dec :) It's been a long journey over the last 6.5 years, but I do believe that this chapter of my life is closing. It is sentimental. I need to write down my 12 stones :) there are so many memories here, I don't even know where to begin or sort out. I do not know as yet where I am going to be, it could be Melbourne, Macau, Singapore, Vegas, San Francisco. Still lots of logistical things to work out plus I am waiting on interview results :) and the negotiations of that to happen.

I surrender

Here I am, down on my knees again

Surrendering all, surrendering all

Find me here, Lord as You draw me near

Desperate for You, desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul, as mercy and grace unfold

I hunger and thirst, I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide, I know You hear my cry

Speak to me now, speak to me now

I surrender, I surrender

I wanna know You more, I wanna know You more

~Hillsong

He is greater still

Sometimes, I need to trust that God is in control and is greater than me, my life, my situation, this world. 

Give me eyes to see more of who You are,

May what I behold steal my anxious heart,

Take what I have known and break it all apart

For You, my God, are greater still

And no sky contains,

no doubt restrains all You are,

the greatness of our God

I've spent my life to know that I'm far from close to all You are,

the greatness of our God

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here,

to believe that there is nothing left to fear.

And You were on it, high above it all,

And You, my God, are greater still

And there is nothing that could ever separate us,

No, there is nothing that could ever separate us from Your love.

No life, no death, of this I am convinced

You, my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey all You are,

the greatness of our God

I'll spend my life to know

that I'm far from close to all You are,

the greatness of our God

So give me eyes to see more of who You are...

- Natalie Grant, Greatness of our God

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23 I am reminded that I need to be more patient

Fast Facts: How the Australia-China relationship has grown in 40 years

Trade: Two way trade in 1972: less than A$100 million …in 2010: more than A$100 billion Tourism: Chinese short term visitors to Australia in 1972: fewer than 500 …in 2000: 120,000 …in 2011: 542,000 Australian short term visitors to China in 1972: fewer than 500 …in 2000: about 92,000 …in 2010: more than 336,000 Education: Chinese students in Australia in 1972: 0 …in 1998: 9,000 …in 2010: 167,000

Worship you alone

I love you, Lord

Your faithfulness never fails, Your faithfulness everyday, You're the same

Unfailing love sets me free, Unfailing love you lead me, With your hand

And all I know, With your arms around me
Your face is all that I seek
Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy

For you alone are great in power
You alone are my strong tower
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone

For you alone are my desire
You have set my heart on fire
And I will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone
Worship you alone

And I will follow after you
For you are my desire
Oh Jesus, my heart belongs to you

- Planetshakers

Sing to the Lord, oh my soul
Let the heavens shout for joy
Great is our God

Everything belongs to Him

My boyfriend is so nice

You belong to me

this has become one of my favourite songs this year. there's something about it that is really therapeutic to my soul, maybe thats the romantic adventurer in me... it makes me smile to think that maybe, although i might not be together with my future partner yet, i might belong to someone :)

See the pyramids around the Nile 
Watch the sun rise 
From the tropic isle 
Just remember darling 
All the while 
You belong to me 
See the market place 
In old Algiers 
Send me photographs and souvenirs 
Just remember 
When a dream appears 
You belong to me 

And I'll be so alone without you 
Maybe you'll be lonesome too 

Fly the ocean 
In a silver plane 
See the jungle 
When it's wet with rain 
Just remember till 
You're home again 
You belong to me

has the time come?

tonight i looked at all my belongings, and for the first time in almost 5 years, realised that if my time is up here, i could leave it all, and go back home. i had thought about going home so many times, but never really looked at everything and think about the logistics to actually leave. i never thought this day would come. this country has been my dream for so long, it is really in my heart. my heart was never back in australia. sometimes, i wonder though, would i yearn to move back overseas after i move back home?

even though china is in my heart, this country that i fell in love with has changed so drastically in the last 5-10 years that it is also turning into something else. and imagining a future in this same city, is becoming more and more difficult. there seems to be less and less things keeping me here. it really is time for me to start praying about the future, maybe the time has really come for me to move on. to let go of this dream and reach for the future, even though i can barely see the steps in front of me. 

that i may gain Christ

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ....

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead"

~ Philippians 3:7-8,12-13

i was feeling so sad last week because i felt like there was nothing in life that i was looking forward to. so this scripture is really timely for me because it puts everything back into perspective. it's ok to go through difficult times, it is all for gaining Christ. that i should not be afraid of being uncomfortable or to suffer temporarily. it's about the eternal. the past does not matter, but to look towards the future. and, even when i feel like giving up, to stand up again :)

exam in 3 weeks

taking a breather from studying. my project management professional certification exam is in less than 3 weeks. i'm finding it so difficult to concentrate though. i guess it has something to do with my eating habits and my emotional mood recently. my emotions tend to affect and sometimes consume my thoughts and also affects my eating. when something really saddens me, i tend to lose all appetite and can't eat. recently a lot of things has been on my mind about work, relationships and life. i need to forget about these areas of my life for at least 3 weeks till after this exam. say no to going out and my constant overtime work. then i will need to make some decisions and changes in these areas. i'll be ok :) i need to focus on God to give me more wisdom. 

sometimes i don't know why God brought me down this path. there's gotta be some purpose in all of this. when i was younger (which seems like yesterday), i was so idealistic and not in a single thought in my mind would i have imagined where i am today in all areas of life. sometimes it does sadden me to not have achieved the dreams that i thought i would have achieved by now, but it is ok, life has never been about my happiness and there is probably a bigger picture to all this. in the back of my mind, i guess, i still hope that one day, i would get my fairytale. it's not the most important though, i can still dream when i'm asleep. 

one of those days....

today is one of those days that i'm feeling so unappreciated. something building up for a while i guess. 

coworkers taking credit for things i did or things they did not do. and... i guess no one has said anything nice/encouraging to be in a really long time. i work a lot, i sacrifice a lot. maybe... it's time to pack up and go home...

does anyone read this journal anymore? i'm email posting this. 

havent been able to access this page for years now...

he needs to be...

my coworker and i were chatting today and she was saying that i needed a man that had these attributes. i thought she was so cute so i thought i would post her thoughts on what would suit me. very cute. i wonder why she thought these attributes would suit me...

You need someone:
- with a big heart
- definitely not Chinese
- very tall
- good looking and handsome
- must have rich knowledge to be able to talk about many things
- knows how to enjoy life
- very patient
- that is very kind
- must at least like animals

i will go anywhere you tell me to

since coming here, i never thought the day would come where i would ask God again where he wanted me to go. a good friend of mine told me to be careful when asking God for a sign where to go cos I need to be ready to really GO when the sign does come.

coming here was incredibly difficult and i had to completely step out in faith because i had nothing except God. coming here alone was the hardest thing that I had ever done. different culture, no language skills, no job, no potential future visa, no contacts, no place to live, not much money. But He really lead the way.

after all these years, i feel that God has really changed me even an old high school friend told me that he never expected me to be and do all the things i have done. another friend said that this country has been very good for me.

i did grow up very sheltered, unstreetwise, dependant but God has really changed me and has challenged and moulded me over the years. i feel that he's given me many opportunities here to bless people and i am very thankful for that.

So i guess i am again at the crossroads and at the place where i'm saying, i will go anywhere He tells me to. I think I am ready.

Old maid

i am an old maid.

A good friend of mine asked me today, "it must be a funny feeling to haf ur best friend marrying"? i honestly never thought about it. I am actually very happy for her.

Most of all my close/good friends will be married this year or next :). All my cousins, younger sister, and even my old flatmate. I'm very happy for all of them, but i guess i thought i'd be married by now or close to it. In high school, univ, working, most people thought I'd be the first one to get hitched. i even caught the bouquet once years ago now.

But, I'm an old maid.

I guess we don't know what will happen, i can't regret though. all i can do is keep holding onto the promises that God has given me. Once, i daydreamed of dancing with my partner at my wedding which gave me peace. Maybe there is a purpose to why i'm still unmarried or maybe there is more that i'm yet to do. So, i guess I'll find out in time. It's not right thinking to blame it on me being bad at relationships, but more that I havent found a compatible person and gotten to that stage yet.

All i can do is trust that God holds my future. It is a desire of mine to find a suitable companion and have a family. But if that does not happen, I will be ok.

wishlist

it's now exactly one month till my birthday.
i know i've been saying i need a new laptop for ages now so i'm going to put that one my wish list :).

i've had my current laptop for over 4+ yrs now, it's travelled the world with me, but it's almost dead. i didnt buy the lastest model at the time so it is really slow and outdated. it's still running windows 2000, and old apps, the wireless and network cards are tempermental and cut out constantly, the screen has already started cracking off so i can no longer close the laptop or take it anywhere with me now and the dvd drive does not work. it is not too bad not being able to view or burn dvds/cds but if something happens, i would not be able to reinstall windows.

it's been my daily companion and has served me incredibly well. i guess it's very much at the end of it's useful life. it's unbelievable that i work in the IT industry and own the laptop i do, but i computers are expensive.

so my wishlist for my birthday this year is only one Macbook pro 13" :)