he needs to be...

my coworker and i were chatting today and she was saying that i needed a man that had these attributes. i thought she was so cute so i thought i would post her thoughts on what would suit me. very cute. i wonder why she thought these attributes would suit me...

You need someone:
- with a big heart
- definitely not Chinese
- very tall
- good looking and handsome
- must have rich knowledge to be able to talk about many things
- knows how to enjoy life
- very patient
- that is very kind
- must at least like animals

i will go anywhere you tell me to

since coming here, i never thought the day would come where i would ask God again where he wanted me to go. a good friend of mine told me to be careful when asking God for a sign where to go cos I need to be ready to really GO when the sign does come.

coming here was incredibly difficult and i had to completely step out in faith because i had nothing except God. coming here alone was the hardest thing that I had ever done. different culture, no language skills, no job, no potential future visa, no contacts, no place to live, not much money. But He really lead the way.

after all these years, i feel that God has really changed me even an old high school friend told me that he never expected me to be and do all the things i have done. another friend said that this country has been very good for me.

i did grow up very sheltered, unstreetwise, dependant but God has really changed me and has challenged and moulded me over the years. i feel that he's given me many opportunities here to bless people and i am very thankful for that.

So i guess i am again at the crossroads and at the place where i'm saying, i will go anywhere He tells me to. I think I am ready.

Old maid

i am an old maid.

A good friend of mine asked me today, "it must be a funny feeling to haf ur best friend marrying"? i honestly never thought about it. I am actually very happy for her.

Most of all my close/good friends will be married this year or next :). All my cousins, younger sister, and even my old flatmate. I'm very happy for all of them, but i guess i thought i'd be married by now or close to it. In high school, univ, working, most people thought I'd be the first one to get hitched. i even caught the bouquet once years ago now.

But, I'm an old maid.

I guess we don't know what will happen, i can't regret though. all i can do is keep holding onto the promises that God has given me. Once, i daydreamed of dancing with my partner at my wedding which gave me peace. Maybe there is a purpose to why i'm still unmarried or maybe there is more that i'm yet to do. So, i guess I'll find out in time. It's not right thinking to blame it on me being bad at relationships, but more that I havent found a compatible person and gotten to that stage yet.

All i can do is trust that God holds my future. It is a desire of mine to find a suitable companion and have a family. But if that does not happen, I will be ok.

wishlist

it's now exactly one month till my birthday.
i know i've been saying i need a new laptop for ages now so i'm going to put that one my wish list :).

i've had my current laptop for over 4+ yrs now, it's travelled the world with me, but it's almost dead. i didnt buy the lastest model at the time so it is really slow and outdated. it's still running windows 2000, and old apps, the wireless and network cards are tempermental and cut out constantly, the screen has already started cracking off so i can no longer close the laptop or take it anywhere with me now and the dvd drive does not work. it is not too bad not being able to view or burn dvds/cds but if something happens, i would not be able to reinstall windows.

it's been my daily companion and has served me incredibly well. i guess it's very much at the end of it's useful life. it's unbelievable that i work in the IT industry and own the laptop i do, but i computers are expensive.

so my wishlist for my birthday this year is only one Macbook pro 13" :)

i can feel you all around me

My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You
I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we
are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

And so I cry, the light is white, and I see You
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

~All around me, David Crowder Band

With everything

this song really speaks to me... brings me back to why i'm here... with everything, it is for His glory.

i want to pray for the things that make His heart cry. i want to love the unloved, and bless everyone around me.

i'm constantly being brought back to laying all my desires and dreams at his feet. as time passes i always come back to this point where i only have Him. He humbles me because my life isnt mine to live. I live for Him alone and not for myself. And although the process of laying things down can be painful, He is still always so good to me.

when people come and go, when the world swirls and I am too hurt to live, and when i am so empty and low - He remains the only constant of my life.

I owe Him everything. I owe Him my entire life.


"open our eyes to see the things that make your heart cry
to be the church that you would desire your light to be seen

break down our pride and all the walls we've built up inside
our earthly crowns and all our desires we lay at your feet

so let hope rise and darkness tremble in your holy light
that every eye will see Jesus our God great and mighty to be praised

God of all days glorious in all your ways
the majesty the wonder and grace in the light of your name

with everything, with everything we will shout for your glory
with everything, with everything we will shout forth your praise"

~hillsong, with everything, this is our God

earthquake

there has been a lot of earthquakes around the world recently. there was an earthquake in qinghai last week and there are rumours that beijing will have one in the next few days.

 

one week ago, i dreamt of an earthquake before i even knew about the qinghai earthquake.

i think it is difficult to predict when an earthquake will strike. some people say there is rainbow dust over the area a few days before. also, that frogs are sensitive in detecting earthquakes.

i dont know if an earthquake will ever strike this city. but i do know that my life is in God's hands. everyone will die one day, but we don't know when. but i am not afraid of death because i know where my soul will go :) i belong to Him.

i love you all.

nothing is truly mine

i gave my baby, my guitar to someone in my group. God was tugging on my heart for weeks to give it away. but then i realised that nothing is really mine anyway. i am only a steward of everything that i have. everything that i own belongs to God. so who am i to keep such valuable resources to myself when it could go to much better use? it feels good that resources can be put to good use :)

pinkflowers

I love flowers. pinkflowers are nice too :) very vibrant and happy looking

 

  

 

Instability

I was informed today that some actions are being taken at work because of the "high beach" rate. So i feel somewhat sad knowing that some people are being laid off. I know that I am not affected this round but I think that in the future, it is a possibility. So I feel sad.

What would i do if i did not have this job? I would have no visa and ultimately have to move back to Melbourne. Which would be sad...

In the end, God holds the future and I need to keep remembering that. If it is His will that I move home then that will happen.

beautiful

"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." - Ecc 3:11

i am very thankful to God. He pulled me through a very difficult last year and i can't believe that i am still here. He's been teaching me, and always challenging me to change. as my old irish housemate said, as time goes on, you become a different person. a week from now you're different. a month from now you're also completely different. this is quite true. every year, every week, every day i am here i feel i have become a different person. i think these changes have been good and has developed my character.

i believe i have already started the new chapter in my life. i wonder what will come my way in 2010 but i trust God completely because the future is in his hands. God is good.

Sun jar

I just arrived back in Beijing to be pleasantly suprised by a really awesome secret santa gift! a sun jar!


http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/994a/

Its so awesome :) there's a small solar panel in it, and it collects and stores the sunlight for the night time.

Net income of villagers $0.46 AUD a day!

A friend sent this to me. I was shocked actually. At first I thought it was monthly income, then confirmed that this income was per annum!

The net income of a villager is equivalent to $128 AUD a year!! Or $10.67 a month or 46 cents a day! Well below the poverty line!
Compared to an urban resident having $2525 AUD per annum or $6.90 AUD a day! The gap is huge.

Looking at these income figures, I feel like I really should do more to give to others and help people. All my money is God's. There is no reason for me to be selfish with anything that I have and there is no reason for me not to be content with what I have and live a simple life.

It is so easy to want to compare my current Chinese salary with what i was earning as a graduate in Melbourne or what I could be earning in any western country and sulk. But I must NOT forget that I am blessed by God no matter what I am earning and stop comparing and just do what I can for others. I am blessed so I can be a blessing.

pray for baby bubbles

my baby bunny's eye is in such a bad condition that my dad called me to ask me to pray. he's really worried about her because the vet isnt open now in the middle of the night.
i'm really worried about her too. i really love my bunny heaps. i wish i could hug her right now and watch her throughout the night. please pray that her eye will be ok.

faith in a future

i've been going through a lot in the past few months. but its during times like this when you realise just how good God is. he has really brought people around me to encourage, keep me company even when i've been home and i've just cried and cried my eyes out. and the amazing thing is, i havent outwardly seeked people but they have actually emailed/messaged me to ask about me which is nice. even old china friends.

even this past month, i've seen 3 friends from melbourne here. and caught up online with a few others. so he is good to me.

this past week wanz came and i've known her for 9 yrs now and we talked about good old uni days and all the crazy stuff we've gone through... its been good because its bringing me closure. even being down in the south of china with friends has helped. all very very old friends i've known for a decade. looking over the past and seeing where my life has come from... i really feel that i have changed and i'm a completely different person. he has been shaping and changing me all this time and i'm still learning/being shaped.

so this weekend, i looked through pics and thought that i could feel a new chapter approaching although i want to hold tightly on the past... (and in many ways still taking one day at a time)... i am excited to see what he has in store for me in the future. although i dont know what to expect and i cant see so far ahead and grasp unto concrete hope and goals, i know and i have faith now that there is a future for me.

in your freedom

I'm learning what it is to let go.
Sometimes as time goes on, I forget that all i have is what he offers me and all i really need is Jesus.
With letting go comes freedom... and greater intimacy.

"I search for You God of strength
I bow to You in my brokenness
And no other King could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart
I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me
And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need
I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You my cares released
I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me
And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need
In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion, I offer devotion"

~In your freedom, Hillsong