My boyfriend is so nice

You belong to me

this has become one of my favourite songs this year. there's something about it that is really therapeutic to my soul, maybe thats the romantic adventurer in me... it makes me smile to think that maybe, although i might not be together with my future partner yet, i might belong to someone :)

See the pyramids around the Nile 
Watch the sun rise 
From the tropic isle 
Just remember darling 
All the while 
You belong to me 
See the market place 
In old Algiers 
Send me photographs and souvenirs 
Just remember 
When a dream appears 
You belong to me 

And I'll be so alone without you 
Maybe you'll be lonesome too 

Fly the ocean 
In a silver plane 
See the jungle 
When it's wet with rain 
Just remember till 
You're home again 
You belong to me

has the time come?

tonight i looked at all my belongings, and for the first time in almost 5 years, realised that if my time is up here, i could leave it all, and go back home. i had thought about going home so many times, but never really looked at everything and think about the logistics to actually leave. i never thought this day would come. this country has been my dream for so long, it is really in my heart. my heart was never back in australia. sometimes, i wonder though, would i yearn to move back overseas after i move back home?

even though china is in my heart, this country that i fell in love with has changed so drastically in the last 5-10 years that it is also turning into something else. and imagining a future in this same city, is becoming more and more difficult. there seems to be less and less things keeping me here. it really is time for me to start praying about the future, maybe the time has really come for me to move on. to let go of this dream and reach for the future, even though i can barely see the steps in front of me. 

that i may gain Christ

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ....

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead"

~ Philippians 3:7-8,12-13

i was feeling so sad last week because i felt like there was nothing in life that i was looking forward to. so this scripture is really timely for me because it puts everything back into perspective. it's ok to go through difficult times, it is all for gaining Christ. that i should not be afraid of being uncomfortable or to suffer temporarily. it's about the eternal. the past does not matter, but to look towards the future. and, even when i feel like giving up, to stand up again :)

exam in 3 weeks

taking a breather from studying. my project management professional certification exam is in less than 3 weeks. i'm finding it so difficult to concentrate though. i guess it has something to do with my eating habits and my emotional mood recently. my emotions tend to affect and sometimes consume my thoughts and also affects my eating. when something really saddens me, i tend to lose all appetite and can't eat. recently a lot of things has been on my mind about work, relationships and life. i need to forget about these areas of my life for at least 3 weeks till after this exam. say no to going out and my constant overtime work. then i will need to make some decisions and changes in these areas. i'll be ok :) i need to focus on God to give me more wisdom. 

sometimes i don't know why God brought me down this path. there's gotta be some purpose in all of this. when i was younger (which seems like yesterday), i was so idealistic and not in a single thought in my mind would i have imagined where i am today in all areas of life. sometimes it does sadden me to not have achieved the dreams that i thought i would have achieved by now, but it is ok, life has never been about my happiness and there is probably a bigger picture to all this. in the back of my mind, i guess, i still hope that one day, i would get my fairytale. it's not the most important though, i can still dream when i'm asleep. 

one of those days....

today is one of those days that i'm feeling so unappreciated. something building up for a while i guess. 

coworkers taking credit for things i did or things they did not do. and... i guess no one has said anything nice/encouraging to be in a really long time. i work a lot, i sacrifice a lot. maybe... it's time to pack up and go home...

does anyone read this journal anymore? i'm email posting this. 

havent been able to access this page for years now...

he needs to be...

my coworker and i were chatting today and she was saying that i needed a man that had these attributes. i thought she was so cute so i thought i would post her thoughts on what would suit me. very cute. i wonder why she thought these attributes would suit me...

You need someone:
- with a big heart
- definitely not Chinese
- very tall
- good looking and handsome
- must have rich knowledge to be able to talk about many things
- knows how to enjoy life
- very patient
- that is very kind
- must at least like animals

i will go anywhere you tell me to

since coming here, i never thought the day would come where i would ask God again where he wanted me to go. a good friend of mine told me to be careful when asking God for a sign where to go cos I need to be ready to really GO when the sign does come.

coming here was incredibly difficult and i had to completely step out in faith because i had nothing except God. coming here alone was the hardest thing that I had ever done. different culture, no language skills, no job, no potential future visa, no contacts, no place to live, not much money. But He really lead the way.

after all these years, i feel that God has really changed me even an old high school friend told me that he never expected me to be and do all the things i have done. another friend said that this country has been very good for me.

i did grow up very sheltered, unstreetwise, dependant but God has really changed me and has challenged and moulded me over the years. i feel that he's given me many opportunities here to bless people and i am very thankful for that.

So i guess i am again at the crossroads and at the place where i'm saying, i will go anywhere He tells me to. I think I am ready.

Old maid

i am an old maid.

A good friend of mine asked me today, "it must be a funny feeling to haf ur best friend marrying"? i honestly never thought about it. I am actually very happy for her.

Most of all my close/good friends will be married this year or next :). All my cousins, younger sister, and even my old flatmate. I'm very happy for all of them, but i guess i thought i'd be married by now or close to it. In high school, univ, working, most people thought I'd be the first one to get hitched. i even caught the bouquet once years ago now.

But, I'm an old maid.

I guess we don't know what will happen, i can't regret though. all i can do is keep holding onto the promises that God has given me. Once, i daydreamed of dancing with my partner at my wedding which gave me peace. Maybe there is a purpose to why i'm still unmarried or maybe there is more that i'm yet to do. So, i guess I'll find out in time. It's not right thinking to blame it on me being bad at relationships, but more that I havent found a compatible person and gotten to that stage yet.

All i can do is trust that God holds my future. It is a desire of mine to find a suitable companion and have a family. But if that does not happen, I will be ok.

wishlist

it's now exactly one month till my birthday.
i know i've been saying i need a new laptop for ages now so i'm going to put that one my wish list :).

i've had my current laptop for over 4+ yrs now, it's travelled the world with me, but it's almost dead. i didnt buy the lastest model at the time so it is really slow and outdated. it's still running windows 2000, and old apps, the wireless and network cards are tempermental and cut out constantly, the screen has already started cracking off so i can no longer close the laptop or take it anywhere with me now and the dvd drive does not work. it is not too bad not being able to view or burn dvds/cds but if something happens, i would not be able to reinstall windows.

it's been my daily companion and has served me incredibly well. i guess it's very much at the end of it's useful life. it's unbelievable that i work in the IT industry and own the laptop i do, but i computers are expensive.

so my wishlist for my birthday this year is only one Macbook pro 13" :)

i can feel you all around me

My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You
I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we
are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

And so I cry, the light is white, and I see You
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

~All around me, David Crowder Band

With everything

this song really speaks to me... brings me back to why i'm here... with everything, it is for His glory.

i want to pray for the things that make His heart cry. i want to love the unloved, and bless everyone around me.

i'm constantly being brought back to laying all my desires and dreams at his feet. as time passes i always come back to this point where i only have Him. He humbles me because my life isnt mine to live. I live for Him alone and not for myself. And although the process of laying things down can be painful, He is still always so good to me.

when people come and go, when the world swirls and I am too hurt to live, and when i am so empty and low - He remains the only constant of my life.

I owe Him everything. I owe Him my entire life.


"open our eyes to see the things that make your heart cry
to be the church that you would desire your light to be seen

break down our pride and all the walls we've built up inside
our earthly crowns and all our desires we lay at your feet

so let hope rise and darkness tremble in your holy light
that every eye will see Jesus our God great and mighty to be praised

God of all days glorious in all your ways
the majesty the wonder and grace in the light of your name

with everything, with everything we will shout for your glory
with everything, with everything we will shout forth your praise"

~hillsong, with everything, this is our God

earthquake

there has been a lot of earthquakes around the world recently. there was an earthquake in qinghai last week and there are rumours that beijing will have one in the next few days.

 

one week ago, i dreamt of an earthquake before i even knew about the qinghai earthquake.

i think it is difficult to predict when an earthquake will strike. some people say there is rainbow dust over the area a few days before. also, that frogs are sensitive in detecting earthquakes.

i dont know if an earthquake will ever strike this city. but i do know that my life is in God's hands. everyone will die one day, but we don't know when. but i am not afraid of death because i know where my soul will go :) i belong to Him.

i love you all.

nothing is truly mine

i gave my baby, my guitar to someone in my group. God was tugging on my heart for weeks to give it away. but then i realised that nothing is really mine anyway. i am only a steward of everything that i have. everything that i own belongs to God. so who am i to keep such valuable resources to myself when it could go to much better use? it feels good that resources can be put to good use :)

pinkflowers

I love flowers. pinkflowers are nice too :) very vibrant and happy looking

 

  

 

Instability

I was informed today that some actions are being taken at work because of the "high beach" rate. So i feel somewhat sad knowing that some people are being laid off. I know that I am not affected this round but I think that in the future, it is a possibility. So I feel sad.

What would i do if i did not have this job? I would have no visa and ultimately have to move back to Melbourne. Which would be sad...

In the end, God holds the future and I need to keep remembering that. If it is His will that I move home then that will happen.

beautiful

"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." - Ecc 3:11

i am very thankful to God. He pulled me through a very difficult last year and i can't believe that i am still here. He's been teaching me, and always challenging me to change. as my old irish housemate said, as time goes on, you become a different person. a week from now you're different. a month from now you're also completely different. this is quite true. every year, every week, every day i am here i feel i have become a different person. i think these changes have been good and has developed my character.

i believe i have already started the new chapter in my life. i wonder what will come my way in 2010 but i trust God completely because the future is in his hands. God is good.

Sun jar

I just arrived back in Beijing to be pleasantly suprised by a really awesome secret santa gift! a sun jar!


http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/994a/

Its so awesome :) there's a small solar panel in it, and it collects and stores the sunlight for the night time.

Net income of villagers $0.46 AUD a day!

A friend sent this to me. I was shocked actually. At first I thought it was monthly income, then confirmed that this income was per annum!

The net income of a villager is equivalent to $128 AUD a year!! Or $10.67 a month or 46 cents a day! Well below the poverty line!
Compared to an urban resident having $2525 AUD per annum or $6.90 AUD a day! The gap is huge.

Looking at these income figures, I feel like I really should do more to give to others and help people. All my money is God's. There is no reason for me to be selfish with anything that I have and there is no reason for me not to be content with what I have and live a simple life.

It is so easy to want to compare my current Chinese salary with what i was earning as a graduate in Melbourne or what I could be earning in any western country and sulk. But I must NOT forget that I am blessed by God no matter what I am earning and stop comparing and just do what I can for others. I am blessed so I can be a blessing.

pray for baby bubbles

my baby bunny's eye is in such a bad condition that my dad called me to ask me to pray. he's really worried about her because the vet isnt open now in the middle of the night.
i'm really worried about her too. i really love my bunny heaps. i wish i could hug her right now and watch her throughout the night. please pray that her eye will be ok.